Miracles in the moments...

miracle \ˈmir-i-kəl\
an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs

an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment

a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law

 

When I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter, Ryann, I became a little obsessed with feet.  Early on in my pregnancy it was because there were two things graphically clear in her ultrasounds-her waving hair (seriously, I place full blame on the midnight Mexican food runs) and long lanky feet.  In the last trimester of my pregnancy my obsession felt a bit more like a possession!  Night and day she rolled and moved, assuring me of her desire to vacate her cramped quarters.  As I talked and sang to her throughout my pregnancy her feet kept up a frantic stucatto, somehow dancing around my belly and heart all at once.

Ryann made her appearance eleven years ago this week-as easy in birth as she was in pregnancy.  She arrived so quickly, politely ensuring we never missed a meal.  As they handed her to me I remember inhaling deeply, introducing myself to those big brown eyes and then touching, kissing, and counting each finger and toe.

What an amazing miracle this little person was that God allowed me to carry and nuture for ten months (only men say nine months!).  Every bit of her identity already inside of her-a pint sized, fully equipped person with unique DNA, personality, and fingerprints. 

 

Miracle.

 

My experience was no less impactful with our next two precious little girls, Rylee and Kaymaen.  While they didn't keep me up at night with movement, their sweet chubby bodies-right down to those hairy little heads!-were perfectly made, "fearfully and wonderfully," just as God intended.  Every toe and finger imprinted with a pattern my heart already knew and understood.  God knew the number of hairs on each head, all the days He had planned for each-as He whispered to our aching hearts.

They both defied all odds...unbent, unyielding, and undefined by their diagnosis...but rather by who they were to those that loved them so very dearly.

 

Miracles.

 

I know we've mentioned "miracles" before in previous blog posts.  Yet, somehow I thankfully can't seem to get past these quiet moments so many walk by. 

Miraculous moments unseen, unnoticed, unremarked upon.

 

We all crave them.  Those "outstanding moments" that can only be described as "divine intervention." 

 

While waiting for that Dead Sea moment to part turmoil in our life.

While crying out for a heart breaking diagnosis to be a mistake.
While watching a loved one make decisions that you know will only hurt them.

 

But here's the thing...what are we missing in the meantime? 

 

Experiences that strengthen our resolve.

Miracle.

Having additional time to make ammends, correct past regrets.

Miracle.

Learning to love someone with an abiding unconditional love.

Miracle.

 

Everyone has different miracles in their life.  An "extraordinary event" that causes them to catch their breath.  A moment so seared into the deepest part of one's heart that its meaning redefines your very being.  An "accomplishment" that reminds you of who you are...and who you have the potential to become.

 

We embrace fully and are so thankful for the miracles in our life.

A marriage tried by fire, shaken with sorrow, and full of laughter and acceptance.

A friendship with a spouse who knows the darkest parts of you, yet loves you because of it...not in spite of it.

Two imperfect people meeting and making three gloriously beautiful, sweet daughters-heads full of hair, chubby dimpled bodies, and lanky legs.

Finding grace and mercy in the midst of the mind numbing, heart breaking sadness of losing a child.

Friends that somehow became family along the way-standing in the gap for us, lifting us up constantly in prayer, sharing each sorrow with us, and cheering with joy for us.

Understanding that throughout the tapestry of our family's life is this common thread of faith and hope in Him.

 

Miracles don't always come in big earth shattering packages. 

 

Jericho's walls crumbling at a trumpet sound.  The sick receiving a Savior's touch and being healed.  A little boy conquering a giant with a sling and pebble, then later becoming king.  A man stinking of three days death, walking out of a tomb alive.

 

Most often miracles move in small, quiet ways...not in the storm, the fire, the wind...
but in the moments of stillness where you realize the life God gave you...
is the miracle.

 

Jeremiah 17:8-9

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.

 For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river,

and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green;

and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

 

 

Just hanging out!

We haven't posted in awhile.  Primarily because we've had a difficult six months.  Just as we think we've got Rylee all figured out...she tosses us another curveball.  Overall, Rylee is extremely healthy and stable most of the time-remarkable for a child with comprehensive medical needs. 

She is still doing awesome-seriously, my kids are amazing!-but we've had a marked increase in seizure activity.

Because of this change and the health issues of several extended family members over the winter-we've been forced to stop, assess, and "recalculate."  Aaron & I had to deeply examine and evaluate the things that are really important in the here and now of our family life-which has meant letting go and giving things over daily.  (Let me be totally honest, sometimes I gotta let go hourly, minute by minute!)

It hasn't been easy, there's been bumps and stumbles along the way, and sometimes it pains the heart-but the left over feeling is one of deep appreciation.

Appreciation for our loving, peaceful, humor filled home.  Appreciation for the people God has placed in our life at just the right time.  Appreciation for the opportunities He continually puts in our path.  Appreciation for our friends and family who have loved us deeply and "nothing wavering" over the past six months-without fully knowing what was going on. 

Appreciation for the opportunity to have another summer together.  A summer full of giggles, kick-the-can, lightening bug capture & releases, a week at the beach to breathe deeply, pool time, late night s'mores by the fire pit, cookouts and movie nights, ridiculous made up "let's celebrate because we can" parties with our sweet friends and their children, and camp outs in the backyard.

If we haven't told you lately how much we appreciate you...thank you. 
Thank you for loving us through our worst times. 
Thank you for cheering from the sidelines and stands for our family during the best times. 
Thank you for praying for us and encouraging us. 
Thank you for supporting us as we make decisions for Rylee and our family.

If every family was loved on and supported the way we've been...imagine what could be accomplished?

Kisses and deeply felt "hold on til you tear up" hugs from our family to yours.

"The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace." - Numbers 6:24-26

Love (luhv), action verb

love

a profoundly passionate, tender affection for another

a feeling of warm personal attachment

to take great pleasure in

to need or require

to benefit from

 

Our country often has a tendency to commercialize rather than personalize.  Send a mass templated card written by a stranger.  Text or Facebook rather than take a few minutes to hand write a note or take time out for a face to face, heart to heart conversation.  Buy a generic gift because that's what everyone else wants, rather than take time to purchase or make a thoughtful, person inspired gift.  Please don't misunderstand me, I firmly believe the old adage applies here, "it's the thought that counts"...the main thing being that your love for others take on verb form.

 

Over the last eight years especially our family has been blessed to see love in many forms.  Sneaky thing about love...it never looks the same.  Love whispers different words to each listening ear.  Love moves with stealth and quiet peace to some...with breath-taking speed and depth to others.  Love requires the person giving it to be totally vulnerable, the person receiving it to be entirely susceptible.  Love emboldens some with its power, weakens other with its stregth. 

 

Four little letters, a simplicity of definition that defies its complexity of meaning.

 

In art and design you constantly hear that "form follows function." 

If the function of love is to mature your spirit, deepen your desire to take a personal interest in others...what does the form of love look like to you?

 

To us it's come in the form of three unique, perfectly "fearfully and wonderfully" made little girls

It's the courage three ladies from our church found to step out of their comfort zone and put action to the word

It's a marriage served up shaken with sorrow, stirred with stubborn dedication, on the rocks over unanticipated joy and laughter, capped with grace and mercy

A friend who knows your spirit so well that words aren't necessary

We've found it in the quiet with friends as they've allowed us to share their earth shattering hurts and soul searing pain

We've heard it echo from the sidelines as we share in personal victories and revel in our friend's conquests

We've seen it as strangers and medical professionals become family to us-making a dedicated effort to invest their feelings in us

 

Love is indeed patient, kind, long suffering, not given to boasting, thoughtful and self-sacrificing.

But understanding the depth and breadth of love tried by life's fire means that love's form is more than a Disney princess plot line.  Slaying the dragons and conquering the trials in life teach you to better appreciate and more fully understand love...in all its forms.  Loving like this means you will be bruised and bumped, jostled, and wounded...but God also uses those experiences to grow you up more in Him, giving you a greater capacity to put your love into action.

 

There is nothing wrong with the outward display of love-chocolates, flowers, cards, candlelight dinner.  Revel and rejoice, be grateful when others choose to love you in such a public display of affection!

Just don't forget that love takes on many forms...all year long. 

 

Slow down, tune in to others.  Figure out what frequency they operate on, what their love language is (thanks Dr. Gary Chapman!).  We've never regreted loving others with our arms and hearts wide open.

 

Matthew 22: 37-39

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart,

and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.  

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

 

 

 

/lʌv/ Show Spelled

Normal?

One of the most hilarious things Aaron and I are told on a regular basis is, "But, you guys seem so normal."  Sometimes spoken in shock, other times with admiration, and more oft than not with a tinge of dismay.

 

In these days of reality episodes and talk show cat-fights everyone seems to like a good soap opera.  Media looks for an angle, professionals with their own agendas look for a story to wrangle, and the person who thinks you are getting more attention is always ready to tangle. 

Folks always seem a bit disappointed when they meet our family, suprised that we aren't the stereotype and taken aback that we aren't a 'hot mess.'

 

Honestly, I used to take pride in the fact that we seemed, on the outside, to have it all together.  Very few people in our life over the past eight years have had the 'behind the scenes, all access pass' to what life is like in our home.  Aaron and I are actually very private.  That's the reason I started this blog.  We wanted to keep family and friends (RyleeBug Groupies) in the loop but also make sure information was given through the screen and protection of a parent's love and acceptance. 

 

While others see us through a screen-we know the truth. 

(Get ready for it.)

drum roll please

Our...family...is...just...like...yours! (gasp)

 

Aaron forgets to take out the trash occassionally and may miss the hamper.  He wears wrinkled clothes and white socks with his dress shoes just to annoy me. (Really, doesn't he realize how he and the girls look is a reflection on me?!)   Ryann hates to clean her room and grumbles about nightly showers.  She goes through a box of band-aids in three days and frequently has to be reminded to carry her dinner plate to the sink.  Rylee screams and fusses when I brush her hair and absolutely hates to have her teeth brushed.  She also double parks her wheelchair in random places throughout the house that inevitably are always right where I am walking, in the dark.  And me...get comfortable...I am often impatient with the people who provide services to Rylee.  I've been known to 'accidentally on purpose' pack a cheese sandwich in a lunch bag...with the wrapper still on...if a member of the household complains about the lack of culinary variety.  I wait until Sunday night to do all the laundry for the week.  I hate to unload a dishwasher.  And, last but not least, I will generally always eat the last cookie on the plate with no regard to others.

We go on vacation yearly-to interesting places. 

(Granted we look like a clown car, and it takes me a week to get everything packed for 'just in case.')

We work real jobs and pay our bills.

(Okay, I frequently forget to pay the sewer bill but it's not intentional.  Note to self:drop off payment at their office tomorrow.)

We have friends.  Friends that have 'normal' kids (really though, isn't it a bit of a stretch to use 'normal' when the kid shoves crayons up his nose regularly and eats glue. Really?), friends that have no children, friends that are divorced, friends that are single, and friends that have children with special needs.  And we all get together from time to time-and do fun stuff.  We laugh like idiots and eat obscene amounts of food.

 

We worry about the same stuff you do-education, finances, family, job, etc.

We disagree about the same things.  Squeeze toothpaste from the end or the middle? Are cargo pants with grout and paint on them date night appropriate?  Why would you want tan paint in the entire house?

 

While we are proud to say we are normal...honestly, what we really want is to be the opposite. 

The dictionary defines

nor·mal

(adj.) conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

 

At some point, over the course of the last eight years we had an epiphany. 

We don't want to be just like you (no offense meant!)...normal.  Should we strive to conform to the standard?  I'm not sure when it happened...but know beyond a doubt Rylee caused this drastic change in our 'regular, usual' life. 

Our life now is so abnormal it's laughable.

And guess what?  We love it. 

It's not normal, but really what is normal anyway?
It's a setting on the dryer no one uses.

 

As my Ryann says, "In our house, we embrace individuality."

We wouldn't wish 'normal' on anyone we know and love.

 

 

 

So very thankful God loves us just the way we are-

crazy messes that make mistakes and are constantly trying to do better for Him.

 

Living life...more abundant.

 

Seasons

Atop Cadillac Mountain, Acadia National Park-Maine 2009

My husband hates to read.  But not for the reason you may think.  He loves listening to a James Patterson book on CD while traveling with work.  Give him a GE or Roland electronic alarm manual and he will know the system backwards and forwards before installing it on a job.  The reason he dislikes books is because he can't sit still.  Literally, not sure what the ICD-9 billing code is for 'ants in your pants-itis' but he's got a bad case.  Anyone that knows his dad, will say it's in his DNA.  Aaron is always into or up to something.  He's like an Einstein energy theory...squared.  He learns best on the job, doing and learning in tandem. 

Me?  I'm old-school, no E-readers and books on smart phones for me.  One does not curl up with a hard piece of machinery...lose oneself in stacks of Kindles.  (A ripple of horror just ran through me!) A cold glass display has no allure for this girl.  There is nothing I like better than finding the oldest book in a library, rummage, or swap-meet.  I like my books to be a bit like me-rough around the edges, frayed in spots, even unreadable in spots, bendable and softened with time and touch.  Montgomery, Doyle, Austen, Poe, Bronte, Baum, Dante, Twain, du Maurier, Yeats & Kipling are friends that I can lose myself with for hours at a time, take them anywhere, revisit them again and again.  If I have free time, I like to slink off quietly by myself-watching and listening from afar.  Porch swings and lightening bugs, sand and ocean waves...kryptonite.

Our difference in personalities and learning styles has meant often our conversations devolve into 'I Love Lucy' worthy episodes.  It can also mean we run into Cool Hand Luke moments..."What we have here is a failure to communicate." 
Early in our marriage this meant moments of exasperation (his) and hurt feelings (mine).  Thirteen year later it ends up in "Who's on fiirst?" hilarity.  He means one thing, but sometimes lacks the panache to say it correctly.  I'm a woman...so I mean one thing but may say another. 
For example, when I started this blog post, I planned to talk about our summer and phasing into fall.  But, as is often the case, my mind doesn't always connect to my fingers as well as my heart.

The word 'season' to most, is defined by spring, summer, winter, fall.

But personally I like to dig a bit deeper into the definition:
To improve or enhance the flavor
To add zest or interest to
To treat until ready for use
To moderate, temper
To render competent through trial and experience

Our family is preparing to head into another season-literally, fall-but figuratively also. 
Each day we realize God is improving us-growing us up more in Him. 
He's molding and treating us until He's ready to use us to accomplish great things. 
Tempering us with the Refiner's fire.
We are becoming more competent in Him through our life experiences, unafraid to see where He leads.

Isn't life experience's greatest teacher?

Season changes are an exciting part of God's plan for our life.

Jeremiah 29:11