"For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them." - Psalm 139:13-16
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11.18.2008

Summer is officially over...

We woke up this morning to a sprinkle of snow. Which of course means our mandatory 'house arrest' begins for the long cold months. Honestly? I hate this time of the year-wondering when that proverbial shoe will drop. But rather than wait for the next pneumonia, hospital visit, or medication change...we just wake up each morning, aiming to swing our legs over the right side of the bed. As bare feet hit the cold wood floor, we remind ourselves that all we really have to do is put one foot in front of the other. It's also nice to remember that we had another season of memories to lock inside our hearts.

(cue music) Ode to the Summer of 08, "scroll it!"





We met our emails/late night phone calls/care package buddies from Maine. Olivia's mom and I 'met' by phone when the girls were just a few months old. Since then it's been a flurry of questions, shared advice, discussing medications and therapies, lengthy discourses about our children's bowel movements and seizures, giggles over our crazy husbands, listening to each other vent and then telling each other to 'suck it up', and um-well, you know...it's our version of those best friend movies you love.
Angie is the Thelma to my Louise...the 'wind beneath my wings'...
It was awesome to hug each other and do the ugly cry with each other (note to self:next time invest in waterproof mascara). Since Livie is eight days older than Rylee, we celebrated their fourth birthdays together too.
(clothing by TrishScott Couture, Princess accessories courtesy of Fitzworld.)

Another chance to wiggle toes in the wet sand, listen to the surf, feel the hot sun and breeze on our faces. While the water was cold, she did lay out for a bit under her umbrella and eighteen coats of SPF 50. Even after multiple baths, two weeks later we were still finding sand in her um, (cough) creases. Yeah...she makes chunky thighs look good.

Discovering her 'inner diva.' Thanks Ms. Tootsie!
While we see Ryann's more dramatic side all the time at home, in public she tends to be very shy. She can also be way too serious for a little kid-so, anytime we can encourage her to just be silly, we do. Daddy was the paparazzi - work it girls!
Ryann decided she wants to be a 'star' dah-ling.
Photos like this make you wonder just what is going on in Rylee's head.
"Dude, I thought mice were small!"
"Seriously, people stare at me?"
"When's dinner?"
"What was Walt thinking? Steamboat Willie?"
"My what big eyes you have..."


Dinner out at Raglan Road. Since all our girls have Irish names, we took them to a pub where the girls actually dance on top of the tables to live music. Rylee tried a bit of the vinegar for the bread, and stayed puckered up for about five minutes.


World travelers...sort of. Ryann finally tasted Chinese and fell in love with it...the waiter...and chopsticks (seriously, she still has them under her pillow!). Rylee slept through the whole thing-waking only in time for a French pastry. We came, we conquered, and we ate - at every single country! Ryann decided she wants to be, and I quote, "Chinese" when she grows up and plans to "study abroad in France" then settle down in Morocco with Prince Aladdin. Yeah, I didn't have the heart to tell her EPCOT isn't the world. (Note to self:Ryann needs a globe for Christmas.)


March of Dimes Walk. We didn't get to come out as a family due to the weather, but the turn out was great. Everyone seemed excited to be there and happy to help.

Our friends the Osburns, walking in style.


Volunteers from the Woman's Club...look, I was getting tired of the normal group photos! I talked 'em into showing some leg. No word yet on if they will ask me back to the be the photographer again next year!

This summer Rylee discovered she could giggle.
Her parents discovered there is no better sound in all the world!

Rylee learning and completing some of her daily visual tracking programs.
Who needs words when those eyes can talk?

Road trip! Looking at this photo I'm thinking Rylee may give to Locks of Love soon. Ryann gave for the second time this summer. Another two braids-12 inches-each. This was her second time...in less than two years to give to Locks of Love.
It's not fair that my children use more hair product than me, and have better hair!





Rylee 'double parked' inside one of COSI's exhibits.
Ryann discovered that momma wasn't right-babies don't come out of their mommy's belly buttons. (I swear I was going to tell her soon!) She promptly decided to adopt when she grows up.




"Wheelchair Gate 2008" has finally come to an end. While there was no Deep Throat (although my throat got hoarse from dealing with everyone), I definitely was thinking of starting the impeachment process! Thankfully Rylee is mobile again after six months of 'who's on first.' We learned once again, no one will advocate for her like us. Hopefully those involved learned how to be more efficient, and no other family will have to go through what we went through. Case closed, 'nough said!



Some of Rylee's equipment for therapies...yeah, we need a bigger room!


Rylee rocking out her knee socks. Being special needs is no excuse for poor fashion.

Leaving our mark...
Cliff Notes of 'Days of Our Lives' with Waiver and APS (the state program and their authorization company that determines how we live our life with Rylee). On second glance, during the 'negotiation phase' (their words, not mine), APS decided that indeed Rylee did qualify for nursing care and respite/community services. Once again God intervened and her care budget went from being cut 75% to almost the same amount we had last year. Huge relief... God is good, all the time. Please pray that God will once again place the people in our life we need at just the right time-we still are in need of a night time nurse. While I know better than to pray for patience...it is tough to wait on His timing!
It never ceases to amaze us that the people in place to help our families, are inevitably the ones we must fight the most. I wonder about the families that don't have the time, energy, or knowledge to fight-to insist on better care and services. Who stands up for them, for their families? Hopefully by standing in the gap, being honest yet firm in not settling for less, shakes things up a bit - makes it better for those that come behind us.
Rylee's Rally 2009 planning is moving with shocking speed. We rented the town's field house-three days later the fee was paid in full by one vendor who attended last year. We are encouraging the community to really think outside the box this year. We covered dyslexia and ADHD, juvenile diabetes, asthma to therapies and specialty clinics, to behavior disorders, then on to pediatric cancer and life-threatening illness, financial resources, programs, recreational activities, and alot of other things in between. This year we plan to have our 60 vendors from last year, but also companies who make hypoallergenic and/or all natural products, vendors for spas (for aquatic therapy and to release stiff joints/spasticity), special needs toy stores, a mattress company (mattresses that help cut down on skin breakdown/pressure points), ...the list goes on. The field house has 20,000 sq. feet of space - so I'm kind of feeling that 'Field of Dreams' sensation. But last year proved, if we do it, they will come!
For those that have asked, Sophie is doing well-but grew a bit bigger than expected. Actually probably a good thing since Ryann and Rylee partner up for Evil Kanevil wheelchair stunts throughout the house. After the flushing, I mean burial of our goldfish-Do, Ray, and Me-we weren't sure about getting another family pet. She's proven to be a very sweet dog and a wonderful addition. Each time I see her trot after Ryann, I hear that song in my head..."people let me tell you 'bout my best friend..." Sophie loves Rylee out of the wheelchair, not so much though in the chair - she probably has doggy nightmares about being chased! grin While she has learned to fetch, like everyone else in our family...she marches to the beat of her own drum. Learning to sit, beg, or roll over doesn't cut it around here. Instead Ryann taught her how to play 'boneless' in honor of our favorite author Mo Willems and KnuffleBunny. I still haven't figured out how yet, but she also taught the dog how to rub her belly. By saying 'her' I mean, Ryann. Yep. Sprawled out on the floor is my child, with the dog rubbing her.
sigh...We are so proud. (sniff-sniff)
Aaron continues to stay busy with work. Yesterday morning he sat up in bed, muttering something about how he "trips over hormones as soon as gets out of bed." He isn't traveling out of town as much so we are enjoying all this togetherness! grin While it's been tough changing our lives around these past four years we must constantly acknowledge how God has taken care of us physically, emotionally, and financially. Aaron and I never take lightly the gift He has given us, the trust He's placed in us to be parents of all three of our girls, and how He's grown us up more in Him and as a couple.
That's all for now-surely this will keep all the natives down to a dull roar.
Thanks for checking in on us. Continue to pray for Rylee's overall health-and that all of us stay healthy throughout the winter. It still amazes Aaron and I that people still check the page daily - even from overseas! Humbling to think folks take time out of their own day to love us (even from afar!) and be faithful prayer warriors on our behalf. Please know that while we may never met some of you personally - we can never express enough what your love, prayers, and encouragement have meant to our little family. Love from us all. And-we can't wait to get out again in the Spring and see you!

New post coming...

Check back this afternoon for an update-
I'm trying to add more photos as requested!
Thanks! - Rylee's Secretary

10.25.2008

Safe with us...

"But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more..."
Psalm 71:14
"I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth."
Psalm 34:1
"When I called, you answered me.
You made me bold and stouthearted."
Psalm 138:3



Our goal the last four years has not been to prolong Rylee's life...but to make sure she is loved, accepted, comfortable. This is so easy for us-as natural as taking a breath. The difficult part of having Rylee is that we have to depend on others to help us give her the best care possible. More difficult still is feeling as though the people who are supposed to help us-are the ones we have to fight the most. People who don't know us, haven't touched Rylee, sometimes aren't even medically trained-make decisions that essentially determine how we live our life with her. Friday we had a disheartening setback regarding her programs and care. Please pray that we can once again be strong enough-physically, emotionally, and spiritually-to fight for the services she needs and deserves. It's hard not to wonder, "What if they had a child like ours?"
As long as she breathes, we will continue to give her the very best possible. And while she is here, in our arms, she is safe.
Please pray God will once again cover us with His grace and mercy-and that Rylee can mantain her health while the state decides if she needs medical care.


10.14.2008

Anniversary Weekend



Aaron and I spent our ninth anniversary out of town. We headed to New River Gorge for a long weekend. While it was tough to leave the girls (thanks MaMaw Vivian!), we had a wonderful time. Our cabin was perfect-secluded and quiet, and we really enjoyed all the hiking trails down in the gorge. The above photos show the old mining town of Kaymoor. It's strange to just come across an old mining town-odd to stop and imagine the people who lived and worked in this town.
We walked about six miles in (forgot our water) and realized we had to go down 800 steps to actually reach the abandoned town.
Yeah...this only shows about 150 steps. How do I know this, you ask? Because I huffed, puffed, and wheezed my way up all of 'em. I felt like playing the Rocky music when we finally reached the top! Aaron and I realized about halfway down that we weren't kids anymore! giggle



Just a few of the old coke ovens.


The actual coal belt from Kaymoor mines. Aaron hopped over the stairs, a large amount of coal chunks, and loads of poison ivy to get this picture...just beside the 'Danger' sign...to climb up on the belt. He's such a rebel!

Looking up from under the belt.


Another trail had us hike up from the bottom of the gorge to Long Point.
The view of the bridge made the hike well worth it.
The weather was perfect and we had a wonderful time!






We drove up Rt. 60 for the ride home, hitting all the old towns and getting cool pictures alone the way. Aaron and I had a great time being kids again.
West Virginia...wild and wonderful!

10.08.2008

How are you?

Often when I sit down to type a new entry the words take over. It's difficult for my fingers to keep up with my thought process. Then there are those times when I sit for ages-collecting my thoughts, editing and filtering the emotions I want to convey-second guessing how you, the reader, will process the jumble in my head and heart. I watch the cursor blink, almost as though it is anticipating and encouraging me.

This week I had another opportunity to meet a parent of a special needs child. We talked for awhile, swapping stories, banding about medical jargon that most first year residents have yet to learn. Realizing we couldn't talk forever, we exchanged numbers and emails, promising to keep in touch. Her parting line? "You just seem to have it so together."

Everyday we go about our hectic lives. We ask people, "How are you?"
But, we never seem to make eye contact. We miss the unspoken words. No one really wants to know that you are in the midst of a nasty divorce. Worried about losing your job. Anxiously awaiting test results that could change your life forever. Living, waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. We care when it's convenient.

Because of that, you hear people give answers that glide effortlessly off the tongue. No thought involved-"Oh, God's getting me through it. Piece of cake. Mind over matter-if I don't mind, it doesn't matter." Everyone has a saying they use, fully knowing that when someone asks, "How are you?" they really mean, "How can I be polite without getting too involved?"
While we are fortunate to have this website, it's so easy for us to fall into that groove. Duck and weave. Play the game, get out and don't get hurt. Just say what people want to hear, meet their expectations. To the outside world, we have it all together-but we know the truth.

God has it all together.

We aren't accepting of the fact that 'God will never give us more than we can bear,' (Is that actually in scripture?). In fact, we know that He wants to break us, make us dependent on Him. His grace is sufficient to care for all our needs while He teaches us to be strong in Him.
(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Anyone that knows me at all, knows that I am controlled chaos at best. I'm like the Tasmanian Devil. Aaron's the calm, before my storm.
I was reminded again this week to let go of pride. Allow people to see me. Not some fabricated person derived of other's expectations. I'm so weak. I struggle daily to balance being a wife, friend, daughter, sister, mother. Guilt gets the better of me as I raise my girls. I wonder if I left the oven on and have to drive back home to check, when I'm already fifteen minutes late. I get tired of wearing the same three dresses to church. I fight with my husband, realizing midway into an argument that not only am I wrong, but I'm now going to have to apologize...who likes to do that? I worry how many more winters/illnesses Rylee will make it through. I push the toothpaste from the middle of the tube. I allow Ryann to use the 'ten second rule' forgetting that we now have a dog. I get angry at the agencies and vendors I have to deal with-wondering if things will ever get easier. When company unexpectedly arrives, I shove dirty dishes into the oven with the speed and agility of a cheetah. I have taken store bought macaroni salad, put it in a pretty dish, sprinkled it with paprika and passed it off as my own...at a church dinner! (grin-thanks for that trick-Mom!)

It's not that I have it all together. It's that I've learned to hide it better.
Which I've suddenly realized isn't an accomplishment to be proud of.

We want you to see a family that is learning, and growing. Learning daily to love unconditionally, no holding back, no regrets. A family that makes mistakes and tries to learn from them. A family centered on reflecting His glory and grace.

The next time you ask someone, "How are you?"
Look them in the eyes and listen with your heart and ears.
They may just be waiting for someone to see them...really see them...and care.


Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache,
will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty?
Do I let it show, does anybody know?
But God sees the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause He sees the real me
Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow
But He sees the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause He sees the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I am so glad that I'm yours
Cause you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, Beautiful is what He sees
When He looks at me

song, 'The Real Me' - Natalie Grant
"For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them."

Psalm 139:13-16